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[20 Jun 2006|01:34am] |
CDs i have thoroughly enjoyed in the last few weeks, thanks to audiocafe:
- Aldhil's Arboretum by Of Montreal
- Cherry Peel by Of Montreal
- Le Tigre by Le Tigre
- Soviet Kitsch by Regina Spektor
- Show Your Bones by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs (even if it isn't as good as Fever to Tell)
- The Young Machines by Her Space Holiday
- Retaliation: Want & Retaliation Need by Dane Cook
- Oh Inverted World by The Shins
- Neon Golden by The Notwist
- Milkman by Deerhoof
- Electric Version by The New Pornographers
- Either/Or by Elliott Smith
- Drowaton by The Starlight Mints
- Doolittle by The Pixies
- Demon Days by Gorillaz
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| Just a pwnage update |
[14 Jun 2006|11:20am] |
I am now only missing:
- I'm a Cuckoo
- Step Into My Office, Baby
- Funny Little Frog
Ohohohohohoho for the wins.
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[13 May 2006|03:53pm] |
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I'm beginning to appreciate my ability to quietly fade in and out of people's lives.
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| Slice of life with my mother. |
[12 May 2006|01:11pm] |
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"You Remind Me of Home - Ben Gibbard |
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- Are these all the bras you need to have washed?
- Yeah.
- I thought you'd have more than this.
- Well yeah, the one i'm wearing should probably be washed too, but i was assuming that you'd want me to wear a bra to turn in my job application.
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[08 May 2006|06:19pm] |
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"Feeling Yourself Disintegrate" - The Flaming Lips |
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There are a lot of things i don't understand about my life right now, but there is one thing i do know for a fact:
I HAVE A TUMOR GROWING ON MY LEFT EAR LOBE.
Dude, it's driving me insane. And it fucking hurts. What the crap?
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[01 May 2006|10:57pm] |
I have to do work tonight which automatically equals depressedasaurused. I know what you're thinking, what does a depressedasaurus look like? Well, it's drawn on my dry erase board right now, along with me flicking the general cosmos off while thinking "FUCK." I took pictures but i'm too lazy to deal with my hateful computer and it's ridiculous slowness.
Anyway, i'm posting a lot on here. Mostly because i respect the quality of my xanga. However, when i do that, i get hella-less comments. Ehh, such is life.
I've gotten to be very impulsive lately. This is the number one reason i cannot attend my first ever drunken house party this weekend, because the back of my head says cara will end up drunk making out with strangers. I've done it before, i am not haughty enough to claim that i've matured enough to never do it again. I still see the allure in things that i should be repulsed by, i still see the allure a lot. The past few days i've been examining my past relations with people, especially guys, and the more repulsive my former actions the less repulsed i am by them.
I'm still repulsed by daniel, though. I still realize that i learned a lot of valuable lessons from dating him but it still doesn't change the fact that i'm completely repulsed by even associating with him.
He called me last week to tell me he got a blow job from a drunk chick on New Years Eve. Like this was something to be proud of. He justified it by saying that i refused to attend the drunken orgy with him. I wasn't even eating solid food at that point, i was still sick with the stomach flu. God i hate people.
"You'd make a good redneck's wife." One of my former xanga friends told me this earlier tonight, it really set me off. This is the same friend who randomly imed me last night after a year without contact and told me that i was a very beautiful girl.
I'm beginning to have a lot of issues with the Colin arrangement, namely him being a million miles away without any guarentee of a future meeting. I have figured out that it's very important for me to have someone physically around for me. And i don't mean to screw around with. I mean to look in the eyes of and feel a human-to-human bond with. I've never been this frustrated in my life. And i feel like i'm not dedicated enough to see this Colin thing through. I hate even thinking these things or saying these things because it kills colin and it kills me and i feel myself crumbling.
How could i be at the epitome of love a month and a half ago and then feel dead so soon after? HOW AND WHY AND WHY CAN I NOT STICK WITH THINGS.
I don't feel loved really. In general, not just with this. And i'm not saying that to solicite some sort of reaction like "oh, i love you cara i'm here for you" or something, it's just a feeling and there's very little that can be easily done about it. And a part of me wants to turn to back to what gave me a quick fix for it in the past - guys and beauty and the compliments of strangers and becoming a stranger to myself. Smoking and changing and trying to be whatever i thought would attract the people i most wanted the attention of. I'm frustrated, i guess that's the theme of this, i'm frustrated with life.
I hate the self-loathing that has been engrained in me from birth from my parents and from school and from church and all that crap. I hate it when people tell me to turn to god to solve my problems because i feel like god is where a lot of this shit stems from, god and catholicism and the institutions that promote it. I want to be free and happy again but all life has offered me the last few years has been fleeting moments and snatches of happiness, and then back down to druggery.
I want to go back to being envied, but i know no one envies someone filled with self-loathing and bitterness. I've become too bitter. And too depressed.
What is happening, why am i cracking again? And why is there no one to help me pick up the pieces?
And that is my stream-of-conscious for right now. I feel more coming on later.
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[30 Apr 2006|09:38pm] |
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Every muscle in my body is tense right now, i could not be more irritated and i'm not sure why.
It may be harder not having someone physically here for me than i had initially thought.
I miss spontaneity.
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[28 Apr 2006|10:57pm] |
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"One of These Things First" - Nick Drake |
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Due to the awesomeness of cindy (and in some respects colin) i am so incredibly close to owning every important Belle & Sebastian recording. Within the next week probably i will have in my possession:
- This is Just a Modern Rock Song
- I'm Waking Up to Us
- The Blues Are Still Blue
making me 2/3s of the way done buying every recording (although in my mind i own pretty much all of the really important ones outside of Storytelling and i guess Books, both of which i still want to find rather than order so if you see a copy of either PLEASE tell me).
I am still missing (in priority order):
- Storytelling
- If You're Feeling Sinister: Live At The Barbican
- Books
- Funny Little Frog
- I'm A Cuckoo
- Step Into My Office, Baby
- Push Barman To Open Old Wounds
- (plus i'd really like to find a bootleg again of the unofficial christmas album)
However, i have no intention of buying Push Barman, plus buying I'm A Cuckoo and Step Into My Office, Baby are pretty low priorities, so in my mind i am really really close to being THE ULTIMATE B&S FAN or rather just really obsessed.
If you want to rip songs off of my cds, by the way, feel free to track me downs.
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[24 Apr 2006|01:02am] |
I totally wrote a great fucking entry and it just got deleted. WHERE IS MY AUTOSAVED DRAFT, what the crap.
However, as a quick recap of what i spent ages writing: i like inhaling laundry detergent, i played an awesome prank on my newspaper editor because she likes to edit my stories to have no backbone and i refuse to let her win.
I hate livejournal, xanga fors life.
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[18 Apr 2006|09:51pm] |
okay, i quit school.
i have a web thing that was definitely due a week ago but because of the break and the journalism conference i haven't been to class since last monday and basically i have no motivation to do it because no matter what, houston is going to be a huge bitch, plus i can't get javascript to work anyway so i'm thinking either i'll do it in class or i just wont turn it in at all. I should also at least attempt to find out if one of the cases or something is due tomorrow. Also i don't care about school at all.
I dunno, i'm really tense right now. I'm thinking about jumping out the window and running as far away as i can go.
This will probably leave me at ursuline, the source of my problems.
CRAP THREE WEEKS AND I CANNOT HANDLE IT AT ALL.
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| The Jealousy Quiz |
[10 Apr 2006|02:19am] |
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Lion's Main - Iron & Wine |
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The Jealousy Quiz; name LJ users (i'm going to mix in xanga people since i don't have enough livejournal friends to do this properly) on your friend's list you envy for each category and pass it on! If you see your name, consider yourself "tagged."
Their overall looks: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) nativegirl, haruha, (the possibly late) fiftywaystoleaveyourlover, Explosion_in_the_Sky, todaysrandomluckywinner
Their eyes: Explosion_in_the_Sky
Their hair: nativegirl
Their cuteness: collideoscope, haruha, shoerapist, diamond_sky
Their style: nativegirl, haruha, heading_west
Their body: sometimes porce_lain, sometimes nativegirl, sometimes collideoscope, mostly me though
Their lifestyle: diamond_sky, fakefrenchishot
Their mind: Sarah_Crewe, Lot49, diamond_sky, Explosion_in_the_Sky, todaysrandomluckywinner
Their location: anonymostly, Explosions_in_the_Sky, im_an_oxymoron
Their humor: steele_savagery, anonymostly, im_an_oxymoron
Their love life: fakefrenchishot
Their job: poserbeatnick
Their personality: collideoscope, niblicon, im_an_oxymoron
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| Super recluse form, go! |
[30 Mar 2006|07:55pm] |
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"Stripetease" Hawksley Workman |
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I have consistently been late to dinner three times this week in favor of being alone in my quiet room drinking grapefruit juice. I am in love with ruby red, i stashed a two liter bottle in my closet. Grapefruit grapefruit grapefruit.
Seriously, i'm just too irritated with people to come out of my little paradise room.
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[14 Mar 2006|12:42pm] |
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So, depending on whether or not i get an internship with DMN, and, of course, depending on whether or not my mom flips a total shit over the whole thing (which is very likely) i am dying my hair this summer. Or, if i have to wait, this fall when i leave for college. So, here are some of the things i'm thinking about:
I've always thought this looked really cool, but i don't know if it would look good on me/with my skin tone. Could i ever be a partially bleached blond? I don't know. However, another idea is just getting one of those colors (like the purple). The dark blue on the bottom is the shade of blue i've always wanted to dye my hair, but again, i don't know how good it'd look, if it'd be too dark.
I think this is equally cool looking. Like a sunset. Eee, so pretty. I really like the idea of having several colors fade into each other. I've been tossing around the idea of dying my hair emerald green to dark blue, but i haven't found a picture of it, and i kinda like seeing what things look like on real people.
Thoughts? Recommendations?
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| Dude, no. |
[07 Mar 2006|01:44am] |
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"The Nurse" - The White Stripes |
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I'll cut you, drew. I'll cut you like a motherfucker.
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| Calculus class is kinda okay. |
[31 Jan 2006|07:02pm] |
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I'm Only Sleeping (Rehersal) - The Beatles |
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Mrs. Susan Bauer of the math department is secretly the mother of Jack Bauer. In the upcoming fifth season of 24 she will make a guest appearance, hacking into enemy computers using only a TI 89 Titanium Graphing Calculator.
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| What i found during newspaper work weekend. |
[29 Jan 2006|11:28am] |
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ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh god, it hurts so bad.
i don't care how effed up his presidency has been, at the very least it's been incredibly entertaining.
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[23 Dec 2005|12:14pm] |
Nothing says "you know, cara, the universe just isn't on your side" like having the last episode of a drama up for download the day you leave for kansas.
guhhh and it's downloading so fast, too. DAMN YOU SARS FANSUBS.
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[21 Nov 2005|07:50pm] |
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"Real Love" - The Beatles |
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[31 Oct 2005|08:17pm] |
Drumroll please:
i got a 3.9% on the UT Homework. Beat that, people complaining about their 70s.
It's not that i didn't get any questions right, oh no, it's just that all of the negative points for not getting the question right on the first attempt piled up that it almost completely cancelled out all the points i got for right answers.
Needless to say, i am the worst calculus student at Ursuline, and hopefully soon the only senior not enrolled in math, relying on the fact that i already have four freaking math credits, which is good enough for me and for everyone, ever.
I... hate calculus. Why i was placed in it, i have no freaking clue.
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[09 Aug 2005|11:10am] |
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"The Internet is for Porn" Avenue Q |
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Well, Johnny Depp, it was a nice try, i guess...
but Gene Wilder is still Willy Wonka. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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